How have I changed since this program and how do I see things differently? Let me count the ways. Actually, this question makes me think about an essay I read about the problem with travel abroad programs. The students focus inward, on how they have changed and developed, instead of analyzing and absorbing the new environment. I think now, after studying abroad, that it is much easier to talk about how you have changed and grown. It is difficult to put into words all of the new experiences, people, and customs you have become acquainted with, so focusing on your own personal journey just makes sense.
I started this trip aware of the fact that I am shy and not outgoing. I knew that it would be difficult for me to communicate with my French family and become comfortable with the situation. What I didn't realize is that I wouldn't stop being reserved around my French family. I have come to realize that it is just a part of my personality to sit back and watch things happen instead of joining right in. This happened in not only my French family but in the larger Lyon Program group too. It is more comfortable for me to be quiet instead of forcing myself to be outgoing and peppy. This lack of peppiness proved to be a problem with my first French family. I was accussed of being sad and never being upbeat. This remark upset me because I don't feel it's necessary to change my personality to be what someone else wants me to be. I am always polite and nice, but I will not change who I am to be some bubbly, peppy cheerleader. I have come to the conclusion that this program might not be the best program for students who are shy and reserved. You have to be willing to start conversations with your host family.
The situation with my first host family also made me realize something important: I am an adult. While I live by myself in Austin and am old enough to be considered an adult, I hadn't thought of myself as being an adult. However, the French mother became angry at me for not telling her where I was all the time because she was responsible for me. No, she is not responsible for me. I am responsible for myself, and I can do what I want.
I am so glad that I decided to do this program. Even though I had problems with my French families, I feel like I have learned a lot about myself and have grown up on this trip.
